My sober story

One of the habits I resolved to give up a few years ago was looking at my phone first thing in the morning.

Inevitably, there was usually a text, email, or communication that would inspire me to become immediately crabby upon waking.

I started to notice how this behavior could spiral into a whole morning, or even full day, of aggravation—not good.

The changed behavior was to get out of bed and head to my meditation cushion first thing.

In fact, the rule became no phone contact until I’ve done my prayer and meditation practice.

Excepttttttttttttt, if I decided to blow off meditation that morning. 

I could come up with all kinds of reasons to blow off my practice for the day. 

Some of the excuses ranged from ‘it’s Sunday and I don’t meditate on Sunday’ to 'I slept late and I just don’t feel like it’. 

I could be pretty consistent unless I didn’t want to and then I would break the chain—so to speak.

Well, last April I didn’t meditate at all. Not one day in the whole month. 

I was traveling and it felt inconvenient. By the time I got home from all the traveling I felt like a basket case. I was tired of my excuses for not committing to a daily meditation practice.

I decided to commit to a one-year daily meditation practice. Every day, no matter what, I would sit on the cushion as soon as I woke up and practice.

May 4th, 2023 will be my one-year meditation-aversary. Ok, I’ll just go ahead and say it—May The Fourth Be With You!

One of the major life changes—among many—to happen for me this year has been sobriety. 

It’s not lost on me that my sobriety journey also fell within my one year of meditation commitment.

I am learning to hone in on one of the hardest things of all—how to sit with my feelings of discomfort rather than reaching for something to put in my mouth and change the subject.

This year I have learned how to be with myself in a whole new way. I am embracing the practice of feeling my feelings rather than turning them away.

In this week’s episode of the Luminous Recovery Yoga podcast I decided I wanted to share more about my journey to sobriety and healing from cannabis use disorder.

It’s not that meditation got me sober, but meditation has helped me to get present. My general M.O. for using substances—especially smoking pot— was to actively escape the present moment.

I want to be clear that I do not believe that everyone who uses cannabis has a substance use disorder. 

But my usage became obsessive and something I was finally ready to look at more closely.

In my active pursuit of a daily meditation practice I am learning how to heal my relationship with the present moment.

There have been many mornings where I wake up with big feelings. I go to my cushion, and I sit with the physical sensations that I’m experiencing in the moment. I am learning that emotions arise as physical sensations in the body.

I first revealed my sobriety during my interview episode with Durga Leela (find that episode here). As a result of that episode I had many people reach out with questions and comments, so I decided it was time to spend an episode talking more about it.

I share only my experience, strength, and hope in recovering. This is in no way representative of any program or specific method. It just felt like time to share.

This week’s episode:

If you’re curious about starting a daily meditation practice or sobriety and you need support, or have questions, please feel free to respond to this email. 

If you find this episode helpful, I would love it if you share it, comment on it, like it, and subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Happy May Day!

With love,

~Kari